Ass Grass
by insomniacinsanity
Summary: Bella's a student at Columbia and is still trying to come into her own. It kind of sucks when you have a messed up family, and even more messed up friends. Not to mention the campus hottie is an asshole. Rated M for smutty goodness.
1. A NEW New Beginning

**Just want to say that, as a beginner into this world of wonders, I'm kind of looking forward to the criticism. Bring on the judgment, this is my first time anyways. And to continue on that theme, I will officially write my first disclaimer now.**

**If I owned Edward Motherfucking Cullen, I would do many dirty thing with him. If I owned Twilight, Edward and Bella would be doing many dirty things to each other. But since I own neither of them, I'ma settle for this bad boy.**

"That'll be $11.48."

"Yeah, one sec. Let me just find some change..." I mumbled. I'm going to be in so much trouble when Alice sees what I bought this time. Maybe I could hide it in my bra drawer. But she always cleans it out to make me wear the "sexy" ones. It's not like anyone ever sees them.

How long has it been since I've been laid?

"Miss, you're holding up the line. Can you hurry?" said the teen behind the register.

Sheesh. Kids these days.

Fuck. I sound like a senior. I pulled out a few bills and didn't bother with coins. If he wants me to hurry, I'll fucking hurry. I checked my watch.

Damn! I'm going to be late again. She's going to kill me...

I hurried out of the store, ignoring the stares I was getting. They obviously don't know Alice.

I hurried into my dingy old car and headed to the Starbucks near my apartment. Traffic was horrible, as usual, and it took me twice the time it normally did to get there.

This is what I get for moving to New York.

I checked my watch again, and I swear I could hear Alice bitching in the background about my 'lack of time-management skills'.

I should probably call her.

Sighing, I reached into my faded blue purse and pulled out my phone. I dialed her number, taking a deep breath to steel myself.

"Bella! Where are you? You said you would be here at 5:30 and it's like-"

"5:32. Breathe, Ali, breath. I'm right around the corner. The traffic was crap and it took a while to get out."

"Alright, alright; I just didn't want your coffee to get cold. I'm at the regular table."

"You got my vanilla lat-"

"Yeah, yeah. Just get here before I dump it out."

I could hear the smile in her voice as I hung up and rushed to find a parking spot. Alice was freaking me the fuck out. Usually she's all "Get here on time or else your poster of Brad Pitt burns!" and shit like that. Now I'm late, and she's not screaming like she always does. She's only calm like that when there's something big going on.

Fuck, the car in front of me is so slow.

I started honking the hell out of my horn. I saw a flash of a perfectly manicured finger flip me off, and wanted to laugh. Instead I stole the parking spot she was about to take.

Without bothering to look around, I grabbed my bag and locked the car door, running inside. I waved to Sue, who was taking someone's order, and ran to the back of the store.

In the back, sitting in our little niche by the windows was Alice, calmly sipping her latte with closed eyes. I pulled up a chair beside her and sat down.

"Hey Ali."

"Hey hun."

I gasped.

Hun? She called me hun? I haven't heard that since the eighth grade when she told me that she wasn't moving to Baltimore. This must be something good.

"Ali... What happened?"

She opened up her eyes slowly, as if the simple act itself was a pleasure.

What the fuck happened to my crazy best friend?

"Are you high?"

That seemed to snap her out of her haze. She looked up at me with a blank expression.

"Huh?"

"Alice, so help me God, if you don't tell me what the fuck has happened to make you so out of it I will dump my latte on your head."

I grabbed my latte off the table and took a sip, waiting impatiently. Alice sat there glaring at me for a moment before her eyes softened.

"Bella... I've found the one."

"The one what?"

I looked at her, thoroughly confused. She could be talking about some new Dolce and Bandana shit, or anything really, knowing her.

She huffed and repeated it her sentence.

"The one."

My eyes widened as I got it.

"No fucking way."

"Yes!" she squealed.

"Who? When? Do I know him? Is he tall, or short?"

"His name's Jasper and, no, you don't know him. He's tall with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a Southern accent. And he's the one."

Now it was my turn to squeal.

"Have you guys talked? Kissed? Fucked?"

"Jesus, you're crude. I'll fill you in later, but our person's gonna be here in a few minutes. So stop gushing and make yourself look like you don't take shit from anyone."

I started giggling at that, but soon reminded myself what was going down.

Alice and I go to Columbia, where I study Film, and she studies Dermatology. We really didn't feel like staying in the dorms, and we knew that either way we were going to live together, so we decided to buy a place.

Our last roommate, Jessica, was a bitch. She brought home guys nearly every night, and was always piss ass drunk when she came with them. Not to mention the fact that she left a fucking mess everywhere she was, and didn't always help pay the rent. That plus her disgusting scent of "Eau de Skank" (as Alice has so politely deemed it) was enough to make us hate her. We ended up kicking her out the day after we found some suspicious looking stains on the couch. Needless to say, her ass was on the sidewalk with that damned couch in a flash.

Now that she's gone, we're going to be a little more thorough and interview those who are interested in rooming with us. Only one person responded to our ad in the paper and we're meeting her here today. Hopefully we'll be lucky and get a good one this time.

Before I had any more time to think, a pair of long, tanned legs clad in black pumps appeared in front of me. I looked up and into a face I haven't seen in three years. She doesn't look much different... Maybe her boobs got big-

"Cocksucking motherfucker!"

Ah. Good to know my bitch is still the same.

**A/N: Finally. I'm so happy to have gotten my first chapter out. Now that that cherry has been popped it's time for the next one. My smut card is awaiting, and I can't wait until I've finally gotten it swiped! All I really need now is to thank my fabulous RL friend QuicklyFleeting for looking over my work, and sprinkling her magic fairy dust. Oh, and review please. No shit.**


	2. British Accents and Big Boobies

**I'M SORRY! I know it's been ages since I've posted, and don't worry, I'm not leaving you after the first chapter. That would be insanely crazy. I honestly have no excuse for not posting. Oh, I also wanted to let you know that if anyone has noticed, my older story with a different name but same chapters was replaced with this one. If you're one of those who put me on story alert, thanks a bunch! I wanted to cry and kiss your feet and tell everyone I knew how awesome you guys were. But seeing as you probably don't know the chapters are continued in this story, I will message all of you! Also, if you are one of the people who put me on author alert, thank you soooooo much. I started giggling like a mad man, and it fucking made my day! I'll shut up now. Here's the new one!**

**If I owned Twilight, Bella would have been less innocent and more sex appeal. If I owned Twilight, Edward would be human, and want to go bangbang with Bella at all moments of the day, and show it. I guess that's why I don't own Twilight.  
**

Or not the same.

_Is that an accent I detect?_

"What the fuck. What the fuck. What the FUCK. What the hell are you doing here?" Rosalie asked, stunned.

She ran over to me and threw her arms around me. I hugged her back, squeezing tightly as tears fell from my eyes.

"It's been so long..."

Someone cleared their throat, and Rosalie loosened her hug enough to twist her body towards the noise.

"A-Alice? What the hell!"

"Rose? Stop stuttering and get over here." Her voice was cold but her smiled was wide.

They collided with each other in a flurry of laughter and sniffles. Rose wrapped her arms around Ali's head tenderly, while she kept Rose in a vice-like grip around her waist. Ali's face was burrowed in Rose's boobs, and her face was completely hidden.

_Ali's probably suffocating._

I snickered at the thought and turned to pull up another chair for Rose.

_I wonder why she's here of all places... _

Rosalie Hale. Isabella Swan. Alice Walker. Three amigos. Three musketeers. Three what-ever-the-fucks. Best friends who lived together in New York. We knew each other from birth; our mothers were friends who all had babies at around the same time, so we were always lumped together. Fuck that, we stuck together. And so, our friendship was born. We stuck together in high school, through all the house parties, the first times, and especially during the heartbreak. But in grade eleven, Rosalie and her parents moved. We were all devastated, but money was getting tight for them, and her dad got a job offer all the way in Seattle that would provide them with great money. So they left, and we haven't seen her since.

Tuning back into the conversation, I hear;

"-yeah so he's _sooo _hot. And he's the one for me too! I just kno-", Alice continued to speak about Jasper. Her arms were still wrapped around Rosalie, and her head was facing upwards with her chin resting on Rose's boobs.

_I zone out for one minute and she's already going on about Jasper._

Rosalie was staring at Ali with a bemused expression, looking quite smug for whatever reason. I laughed at them both, causing a break in the one-sided conversation, and motioned for them to sit down.

"Okay, first things first, and no, Ali, we're not talking about your beloved boy toy anymore." I stated before she got a word in. She glared at me for a second and turned her body to face Rose. Rose just laughed at us.

"Rose, what the fuckity hell are you doing here?" Alice asked.

"And why do you have an English accent?" I asked her, not even bothering with profanity.

"It's not an accent... More like a lilt." Rosalie explained trying to seem all hoity-toity.

Ali rolled her eyes at her.

"Cut to the point, _lovey_." She said, smirking as she made fun of her accent.

"I moved here last week from Derby. That's in the UK." She said the last part slowly as if we were dumb.

"If I remember correctly, you were the one who found out last that there were two Washingtons. I know where that is, Rose." I rolled my eyes at her ridiculousness.

Ali looked confused.

"What the hell were you doing in England? I thought you lived in Seattle."

"When I graduated, I'd discovered I'd had an interest in cars. I worked at a friend's garage, helping him tune up cars for quite a bit when I got this great offer. This guy who knew my work wanted me to restore his candy-apple red 1956 C70 Series Crown Imperial with a-"

"Sorry to tell you this, but we don't have a fucking clue what you're saying. Cut to the chase." I told her, trying to get to some part we actually understood.

"Oh. Sorry. Yeah, so I restore his car to perfect condition and he fawns all over me- don't give me that look Bella, when I said fawn I actually meant the word fawn. I don't fuck _every_ client- and it turns out he's some rich bitch from Classic Cars in the UK. He's surprised that I'm still in high school, and offers me a scholarship at the University of Derby for motorsport. After some testing, the university gave it a go, and of course, I took the offer. Now that it's summer break, I've got until September before school starts. I'm staying here for the summer, because it's been ages since I've been in New York. I wanted to find you guys too, but I had no way to contact you. Since I'm only staying for the summer, I was looking for roommates to share the rent with." She finished her little speech and watched us, waiting for our reaction.

I turned to Alice, hoping that she'd be the first to break the silence. She didn't fail me.

"Huh."

_Not exactly the silence-breaker I was looking for._

I sighed, and took a moment to digest that shitload of information she had just unleashed on us.

_So if she came here for break... Is she the person who we're meeting today?_

"Rose, why'd you come here?"

"I just fucking told you! If you need a damn hearing aid I'll buy one, but there is NO fucking way I'm repeating that long ass speach." Rosalie exclaimed, looking annoyed.

"No, stupid. I meant why are you in Starbucks right now? Is this just coincidence or something?" I elaborated my original question, wanting to know why she came.

"Oh! Two girls wanted to meet me here at 2:30 to talk about my living... arrangeme- Ali why the fuck are you bouncing up and down in your seat? You look like some guy is-"

Alice cut her off before she gave us some descriptive and dirty insight into her mind's eye.

"That's us! You're meeting us! We were waiting for a girl about our age to interview for our new roommate."

"Interview? Why the hell would you guys interview the girl? You two are more like the dive-in-head-first-and-realize-how-stupid-that-was-later type of girls. Or atleast Bella is." She said, looking at me with amusement in her eyes.

I huffed at the comment, feigning a look of indignation.

"Well-" Alice began, telling the story of why we're interviwing now. I shifted my eyes towards Rose, having heard the story already. A small sliver of jealousy ran through me as I realized just how good Rose looked.

She was still gorgeous, and it seems like time only made her more so. Her long, gold hair flowed down her back in perfect waves, while her skin seemed to always be emanating a golden glow, like she has some type of natural perma-tan. Whatever that is.

I looked Alice too, realizing she's changed a lot as well. She's still short, but paler than Rose, which isn't saying that much. Still slim after all these years, but definitely toned. Being a dancer for years does that to you.

_Unlike me. My feet are like freaking seals out of water. They just flop around on the ground._

I looked carefully at the both of them, thinking about how great it was to have them all back. Alice and Rose were leaning in to eachother. I leaned in as well, not wanting to be kept out of the conversation for any longer.

"So, Bella. You already know that Ali had caught me up on her piece of Southern-fried sexiness." Once again, Rosalie looked smug as Jasper was brought into the conversation. I put that thought in the back of my mind and tried to pay attention.

"Yeah.." I answered, feeling suspicious fights.

"When was the last time you tickled a guy's pickle?" Rose said bluntly, as if she was telling me what she ate for breakfast.

I started choking on my laughter, wanting to prolong it for as long as possible so I could avoid the question. I stared hard at Alice the whole time, pleading her with my eyes to steer the topic in a different direction. Judging by the silent giggle fit that seemed to be overtaking her body, she wouldn't be of any help.

_If I'm gonna start on a subject that annoys me, I want at least one more person in the room to be annoyed as well._

I calmed myself by taking a few deep breaths, and looked at Rose sagely. Pulling on my knowledge of movies we both knew; in the most tranquil voice I could possibly muster I started.

"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..."

**Whew. I wanna thank all the people who put me on author/story alert and the favourite stories you guys gave me just one chapter in. So thank you to jadedghost22, Elizabeth142, beckyb1, twilight obsessor, carolw77, justwanttoread, and xxDignity (for both the story alert and favourite!). I'm going to personally message all of guys and give you all the biggest fucking virtual hug of the century.**

**A zillion peener fights, and writer's-block to QuicklyFleeting for being the bestest beta and RL friend :)  
**

**Now, if only I could only get you guys to review!  
**


	3. No Booty Calls For Me

**Oh shit. I posted a chapter. I'm hoping that no one will throw tomatoes *hinthint*. My beta thought this chapter was boring. Tell me what you think (puh-leeeeze).**

**If I owned Twilight, Eddie Boy would make his sparkly bits enter Bella's pink bits a whole lot earlier than Breaking Dawn. But since I don't own Twilight, that just ain't gonna happen.  
**

"Motherfucker. Stop quoting Star Wars." Rose said with a deadpanned expression.

_Mission complete._

I plowed ahead, wanting to get the story of my sex life over and done with as soon as possible.

"I lost my virginity the year after you left. You won't even guess who it happened with. Ja-"

"Jacob. I know." Rosalie said, still smug-faced. I turned to Alice, annoyed that my grand reveal had been ruined by her.

"Alice! Why the hell did you do that? I wanted to-"

"I didn't say anything, I swear!"

"Don't lie to m-"

"Actually", Rose started.

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up. Holy crap, both of you just shut the fuck up." I sighed, exasperated. They both just turned and stared at me.

"What? You guys keep on fucking interrupting me." I huffed, acting like a five-year old.

"Let me start, then. First, get rid of that pout Bells, you don't want wrinkles. Second, I refuse to apologize for interrupting you. And third, I figured that you and Jacob would do the dirty since you two were so close." Rosalie finished, looking relieved that she wasn't interrupted.

I rolled my eyes at her second point, and then stared blankly when she said her last point.

"You expected it? We weren't even together, and we never liked each other that way. Like, what the fuck Rose, do you think I'm a home-grown whore or something? I thought you would be surprised." I was still upset about her already knowing my 'secret', and I didn't bother to hide it.

"It's not exactly rocket science Bells. You two were really close, and while you two thought of each other as brother and sister, it was obvious that you guys were glad you weren't related. I just thought that you two would go from being just friends to more than friends. It makes sense." Rosalie shrugged.

I looked over at Alice, and she looked like she was about to bust a gut form trying to keep her giggling silent. A bubble of laughter escaped me and that seemed to be Alice's cue. She let out the most un-ladylike guffaw I've heard her make, and we laughed so hard that tears started rolling down our red cheeks. We took deep breaths and tried not to start another round of laughter after looking at Rosalie's confused face.

_In, out. In, out. In, out._

I repeated my mantra in my head, staring at the ceiling as my heartbeat slowed to normal. I chanced a glance at Alice to see her sipping her cold coffee like nothing happened. I smiled at her, and she made a face. I looked at Rose, raising an eyebrow at her puzzled expression. Alice beat me to it.

"What'cha thinking 'bout girlie?" Alice asked Rosalie.

"I'm thinking about what the hell I said that was fucking funny enough to make you guys start laughing so hard you almost shat your pants." Rosalie asked, her eyes going blank as she mulled it over. I chuckled at the mention of shit like the juvenile little girl I am, and thought about whether or not to tell her the whole story yet.

I looked at Alice with questioning eyes, and her quick head shake told me to not tell Rose anything about Jacob... yet. So, I decided to shut up and try to distract her.

_She'll find out soon, anyways. _

Pulling myself out of my thoughts, I began to elaborate on what my relationship with Jake actually was, trying to be subtle as I changed topics.

"It was less of love, and more of convenience. And friendship."

"Wait. Are you telling me that Bella Swan, the little girl who was afraid of boys because her mom once told her that guys always had snakes in their pants, was taking booty calls from her best guy friend? You really have grown! I thought it was just your boobs!" Rosalie exclaimed, looking surprised. I looked down at my girls, and shifted my bra into a more comfortable position.

"Sure. You'll find out the rest when we go see him. He's throwing a party, and his parties are always the wildest. This one is themed though, and requires you to wear a bathing suit." I changed that topic yet again, not wanting Rose to ask too many questions about Jake.

"Themed? Bathing suits... Is it a beach theme?" Rosalie guessed, trying to figure it out.

"Something like that. A bit different, though." Alice said, rolling her eyes at the thought of Jacob's parties. He always goes balls out.

"It's an S.O.B. party." I told Rose.

"Huh? A 'Son of a Bitch' party? What the hell is that?" Rose said, looking mildly disturbed.

"No, Bella means a 'Summer's Out, Bitches' party. See what I mean? Only Jacob..." Alice shrugged her shoulders. Rose looked confused as hell.

I turned to Alice, a sense of dread of filling me as I asked her a question.

"Ali... This doesn't mean we have to go shopping, right? I mean, I have tons of bathing suits-"

"-Which are more suitable for your Grammy Swan than for the summer's first party." Alice interrupted my sentence and gave me a stern look.

"Wait, what? Jake was never a party animal. That's why shy, high school Bella and little, quiet Jacob were good friends! Why the hell are you guys talking like this is going to be some big shindig with a bunch of people?" Rosalie said, looking thoroughly confused.

"Trust me; Jake has changed – a lot." I said, snickering, trying to think of Rose's reaction when she found out. I looked at Alice, expecting her to laugh with me, but saw her spazzing and making exaggerated cut-throat signs telling me to shut up. Rose turned to look at what I was staring at, and Alice stopped immediately, feigning innocence as she whistled to herself and looked anywhere but at Rose.

I laughed at them, and immediately regretted it as Rose snapped her head in my direction and squinted her eyes at me. In real life, that move is usually not threatening at all; in fact it's quite funny and makes the person doing it look like an idiot. However, when Rose did it, I just felt sorry for myself.

"What?" I mumbled; self-consciously shifting in my seat as Rose stared me down.

"I know there's more to the Jake story, but that's for another day. Right now, I want to know about your other sexual conquests." Rose said, her blue eyes staring hard. Alice started choking on her laughter when she heard the words 'sexual conquest'.

I shuddered at the thought of my last boyfriend. Rosalie looked curiously at my movement, and did some choppy, hand-wiggling gesture that I think was supposed to signify for me to explain.

"So... there was this guy named James. I met him at the bar one night with Alice, and I was wasted. Alice was gone to our place to go fuck-fuck with some random guy. She told me to let loose and try to 'sex up' some guy who'd apparently been eyeing me all night. So like the drunken dumb-shit I am, I eye him from across the bar. He gets all riled up, comes over, tells me his name and buys me a drink. My alcoholic self drinks it up, and leaves with him, stumbling onto the road and into his car while trying to put my mouth on his without missing his face." I finished the first part. Now was the time to talk about the main event. I looked at Rose and noticed she seemed enraptured, for lack of a better word. I don't know why, but it was fucking funny. I smirked at her and continued my story.

"So I'm at his house and we're dry humping like maniacs and I remember him slipping off my dress before I blacked out. At least, my memory did. Early the next morning I find myself naked and strewn across the bed, and part of James. He's lying on his back with his hands under his head and legs flown apart. I wasn't beside him, more like below him. My head was in line with his belly button, with one of mys arm lying slack on his waist and the other resting on my poon. I could see that his boxers were on while I was nude, but I didn't really wonder why. Wanting to avoid the awkward conversation that I was fucking sure would happen if he woke, I tried to be quiet and sneak out of the bed. Just as I swung my feet over and was about to rise up, I feel James grab my arm. He looked at me with his baby blues, pouted, and rasped 'Please don't go.'" Part two completed. I looked at Rose again to see if she was still paying attention.

"That's sweet!" She said, looking all mushy.

_That's what I thought._

She looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Was the sex good?" Rose asked, getting straight to the point.

"Well, when I was moving to get up I realized that my coochie was sore. The only reason I could think of as to why I would put myself through that pain would be that the sex was so good that I had to go at it with him over and over again. Either that or he was huge. I had no memories of the night before, so I had to guess. Great sex, plus great bod, plus romance equals pretty good relationship in my book. I wanted to know if he had a personality, though. That morning we ate at his place and we clicked. We kept in contact and went on dates when he finally asked me if we could go steady. I said yes and boy, was that the stupidest thing for me to do. After our first date, I refused his sexin' until we were in a relationship. So, now that we were together and both horn-balls who have abstained for far too long , we were both equally excited about the upcoming sex. So, one night we're groping and having a heavy make out session. We move it to the bedroom, and there is where I had the most horrifying experience of my natural life." I cringed at the memory and I felt bile rise in my throat.

"Why? Was he a bad fuck?" Rose looked at me, sympathetic but curious.

"The worst. He was literally like a jackhammer. He would make weird noises and plow without warning. Then he just kept on making really shallow thrusts. Later on into the freak show I realized that his penis was actually just really small. Like the size of my middle finger small. He would look into the mirror beside us and make that noise again, then just keep on plowing ahead. I would not be into it at all, and would lie there, waiting for him to fucking blow his damn load. Violated doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. He considered grabbing at me with rough hands and calling me rude names foreplay. Honestly, it felt like I was being raped somedays. Even though he was crap at sex, I would handle it and thought that in the future I would give him some pointers. But he changed after a week or so. He became an asshole. He would get irritated when I was too tired for sex. When I went to work and brought him something he would get all pouty face and act bitchy because 'men aren't supposed to be supported by their women'".

I moved my eyes from the window and chanced a glance at Rosalie. I could see her fingers digging into the palm of her hand.

"He would flirt with other girls whenever he didn't get what he wanted, and whenever he came home from being with friends, you could smell tons of tacky floral perfume on his clothes. While we were together I didn't move in with him. Once, I asked him to stay at my place because I wanted Ali and him to get to know each other. This dickhead comes along and has a nice conversation. Then, when he happens to see the stacks of dishes we left in the sink, he starts dropping sexist crap about how 'women should be spending more time cleaning up' and that Ali won't get a man if she doesn't learn how to clean... I was pissed. I slapped him upside his damn head with my purse, threw a handful of candies at him, and walked out on that asshole with Alice." I finished triumphantly, looking at Alice as she smiled proudly. Cackling interrupted the moment.

"What… the… fuck? You... threw candies? Why... that?" Rosalie was speaking slowly, trying to control her laughter with deep breaths.

"There was nothing else in my bag. But that's not the point!" I stressed, trying to get her to understand the reason for my long-ass speech.

_Honestly, friends sometimes._

"Sorry. It's just unexpected. Fucking funny, but unexpected. I get why you didn't want to relive your all that. How long ago was this?" Rosalie looked at me with questioning eyes.

"Maybe about 6 months."

"And you're over the douche bag? Like, completely dunzo?"

"Yeup." I said, completely confident in that decision.

"Were there any other guys I need to know about? Stalkers, married men, you know, that shit?"

I sighed at Rose's dramatic nature.

"No, Rose. All the other relationships were rather tame and didn't last long."

"If that's the case, can we fucking leave? I know that this place is cozy, but I have a shitload of bags to stuff into the small closet you guys are gonna provide me with." Rosalie looked disgusted when she mentioned the 'small closet' we'd be providing her with.

"We may be in school, but our place is not that shitty. It's obviously been too long since you've shopped with me." Alice explained as we got up and packed our things.

We made our way outside, and Rosalie looked defeated when she saw my car.

"Really? Because judging from the look of Bella's car, you guys have no money at all."

"Don't make fun of Gertrude!" It was a 1999 Chevrolet Malibu my dad bought me. I pushed Rose into the car next to mine, which just happened to be Alice's.

"My baby! What the hell are you doing rubbing your skanky ass all over my car!" Alice shouted at Rose, rubbing the hood of her car.

"Wow, Ali, this car is yours? It looks so expensive!" Rosalie's voice was just dripping with sarcasm.

"What? This is a pretty good car!" Alice defended her baby, stretching her arms across the side of her Nissan Verse, as if to shield it from Rosalie's insults.

"Whatever, Rose. What the hell are you driving?" I asked Rose, confident it couldn't be that great.

Rose fished her keys out of her bra, making us laugh at her as she dug deep. She clicked the unlock button on the remote and walked to her car. We trailed after her like lost puppies until we stood before her car.

"Oh. Wow." My brain seemed to spin as I thought about how much money Rose must make.

"Rose? What is it?" Alice asked her, just as clueless about cars as I am. Rose sighed and shook her head.

"A Porsche. A very expensive Porsche, that I brought back from London." We gaped at her.

"Not by plane though, so calm down. Some process using Craigslist. Not important. What do you think of her though?" Rosalie looked at it reverently, caressing the door handle as if it were a child.

"How much money do you make?" I asked Rose, staring at her with a bewildered expression. Alice was nodding her head, still staring at the car in shock.

"A lot. I'm good at what I do." She placed the cheesiest smile on her face and I laughed at her.

"Let's go, then?" I nudged Alice to shake her out of her haze.

"It's just... so... yellow." Alice said the last word in awe, as if she could stare at it all day.

Rose and I just laughed at her.

"Ali, let's go."

"Where?"

"Where the fuck did your brain go? Home, stupid!" My insult seemed to bring her back. Rosalie shouted over Alice's rebuttal, asking me where to go.

"Just follow us!" I got into my car and started my engine. It took a couple of tries and a few minutes of ignoring Rose's stream of insults, but good ol' Gerty started up.

"Take that bitches!" I screeched as I slammed on the gas, trying to get ahead of them.

I heard their laughter follow me as my car slowly chugged to the lot exit.

**A/N: Finally, they're out of the coffee shop. My lovely beta, QuicklyFleeting, was riding my ass with a whip in her hand telling me to hurry the fuck up and get them out of that place. She _really_ wants something to happen. I promise to finish up the next chapter faster. I and I can't forget to give a HUGE shout out to **justwanttoread **who was the third person to review my fic! I know, it seems lame, but it honestly counts a whoooole fuckton more than you know. You can't see it right now, but I'm totally getting a girl-boner for you.**

**Read and Review. What else?  
**


	4. Not a New Chapter

**FAKE OUT. SORRY.**

**If any of the peope who have favourited my story or put it on alert were waiting for the next chapter, this isn't it. I've spoken to my beta, but while she has yet to reply, I'm deciding to shut this baby down. **

**I'm really thankful for all the messages I've been given from you guys, and while this story didn't necessarily have the _most _ reviews, I appreciate the fact that you're reading my shit at all :)**

**If you haven't noticed, my story was put on a hiatus because of school and a few family issues. Not to mention, I finished a long-ass chapter and my laptop broke. Regardless, I felt like my story was going to stop making sense in another few chapters anyway. **

**I'll be keeping this story up for another week or two, maybe the beginning of September.  
**

**So thank you guys, for teaching me a whole bunch of shit about myself.**

**BUT WAIT:**

**I'm writing a new oneshot (starting small) based on a true story that happened a while back. Nothing too serious, but does include DILFward. Expect it soon!**

**~ii**


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